


Tell Me a Secret

by FaustianFantasy



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Emotional Intimacy, F/F, Fluff, Kara Danvers Knows Lena Luthor Knows Kara Danvers Is Supergirl, Kara Danvers Needs a Hug, Lena Luthor Knows Kara Danvers Is Supergirl, Lena Luthor Needs a Hug, Post Season 2, ignoring season 3
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-20
Updated: 2017-10-20
Packaged: 2019-01-15 10:27:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12319179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FaustianFantasy/pseuds/FaustianFantasy
Summary: She had spent half a lifetime hiding from the world, hiding from herself. It was only now, after years of struggle, pain, and secrets that she had started to find herself again.Now, after she had found someone to find and share herself with.





	Tell Me a Secret

**Author's Note:**

> This is basically just an excuse to have them talk through their feelings and problems together, with a thin plot threaded through it.

For once the universe seemed to decide to not give Kara Danvers anymore problems to deal with.

It had been  _ months  _ since the Daxamite invasion, and not a single world or even city-threatening event had happened in the meantime. Sure there was the occasional rogue alien or anti-alien terrorist that Supergirl had to handle, but other than that everything had been going great. Cadmus had been laying low and the Daxamite invasion surprisingly  _ didn’t  _ spark a massive anti-alien riot that set the human-alien relations back by decades. 

(It was only a relatively small riot that only  _ moderately  _ hurt the alien rights movement. 

...It was the small victories.)

On top of her job as Supergirl going well, she had finally found her feet at her day job, growing into her niche as the resident expert on all things alien and world-threatening, much to Alex’s consternation. Kara understood the concern, but it was what she was passionate about and what she  _ knew _ . It might be dangerous, but Kara believed in the good she could do as a journalist and wanted to do something she  _ believed in _ .

And on top of  _ that _ , her social life was going great too. Sure, she spent less time than ever with Alex because she was  _ engaged,  _ something that still boggled Kara’s mind. (Not that Alex was unlovable or anything but…  _ engaged _ ) _. _ Sure, her relationship with James never recovered from the breakup and subsequent months of lying. Sure, she saw Winn less and less as he came into his own at the DEO. Sure Lucy had disappeared back into the army without even a goodbye and never talked to her. Sure Clark didn’t really make any more effort to keep up now than he did before. And sure her boyfriend/protege had been banished from the planet, never to return. But now she had time when her fellow reporters invited her out for drinks!

Okay, so Kara’s social life wasn’t going great in  _ general _ , but her relationship with Lena was stronger than ever.

Ever since Lena’s ‘Did you know he was Kara Danvers’ boyfriend?' comment she had been increasingly blatant about the fact that she knew Kara was Supergirl, and in turn Kara had been increasingly lax about pretending to be two different people. On more than one occasion she had caught herself mentioning something as Supergirl that they had only talked about when she had been Kara. At this point Kara had done everything but explicitly admit her identity. And thankfully Lena seemed more amused than offended by the continued ‘deception’.

(Kara wasn't entirely sure why she didn't just tell her, there was just  _something_ about the idea that made her reluctant.)

At this point Kara trusted her completely, Lena was kind and warm and  _ good _ and Kara’s best friend and there was absolutely nothing that could convince her that there was a malicious bone in Lena’s body.

But as she walked into the newsroom to the sight of her coworkers talking animatedly about an article proclaiming ‘LENA LUTHOR IMPLICATED IN ILLEGAL ARMS MANUFACTURING’, she realized that just  _ maybe _ the rest of the world didn’t get the memo.

It took a while for her to recover from the shock of the headline, but when she did she wrinkled her nose as she fought the urge to glare at her much too excited peers and stormed to her desk in an attempt to find the source of her ire and gleefully rip the article to shreds.

An idea that became much harder when it turned out that while the article her colleagues were talking over was just a regurgitated report from the original source, said source was an article published that morning by  _ Lois Lane _ . Which… wasn’t encouraging as far as it being fake was concerned. But she still held out hope, until she actually started reading the article.

The most annoying part was that It was a good article, even by Lois Lane standards. Kara was even begrudgingly professionally impressed while personally severely irked. The article was intelligent, credible, and even narratively satisfying. It told the story of a lone accountant who found a discrepancy in L-Corp’s books that snowballed into a conspiracy that involved the CFO of L-Corp, nearly half a billion dollars, and intervention by the FBI and a few other governmental agencies.

It was a good story, and the only saving grace about the situation was that Lena actually hadn’t been implicated in the scandal, Lois’ article explicitly pointing out that the discretion started years before Lena became involved with the company in an official capacity, and that none of the money the arms manufacturers made went back into L-Corp. Although Kara did notice that the language of the article didn’t seem in Lena’s favor, there was nothing explicitly condemning Lena, nothing that could be construed as libel, but something about the wording and structure of the article was damning nonetheless. 

Kara didn’t even fight the urge to pout as she halfheartedly looked into Lois’ documentation and sources, not that she expected to find anything. This  _ was  _ ‘Three time Pulitzer prize winner and best sister-in-law  _ Lois Lane _ ’ after all.

(Kara privately thought that Lois was totally going to lose that last title after Maggie married Alex,  _ Maggie  _ didn’t go after Kara’s best friend on the job.

...Except for the couple times she totally did that.

...

Well, at least Maggie had been  _ apologetic  _ about it.)

Kara was kind of glad that she didn’t actually know Lois that well, as she might be tempted to interrogate her about that. Would it have killed her to be slightly more charitable towards Lena? There wasn’t a doubt in her mind that Lena had nothing to do with it, If Kara had written that article she would have given her the benefit of the doubt. Although that inclination might be why she had had to recuse herself from reporting on Lena, apparently Snapper valued 'journalistic integrity' and 'unbiased reporting'. 

The rest of the media didn’t seem willing to give Lena the benefit of the doubt either, especially when it turned out that the manufacturers operated out of National City since _before_ Lena moved the company there. Dozens of articles from institutions of varied respectability all weighed in like this was conclusive evidence that Lena was following in her family’s footsteps, one was even titled ‘Lena Luthor: The Beginning of the End’.

_Overdramatic tabloid nonsense._ Kara thought uncharitably.

Heart aching for the PR nightmare that her friend had to be going through, Kara dug out her phone and sent out a quick text.

_ I just saw the article, are you doing okay??? _

Lena didn’t reply immediately, not unusual for her even on the best of days. But it didn’t typically distract Kara so much that she spent fifteen minutes staring at a blank word document worrying her lip as she repeatedly glanced at her phone and fought the urge to put on her suit and fly over to L-Corp. Supergirl showing up unannounced at L-Corp after a story like that broke wouldn’t help anyone, she had learned that lesson back when Maggie had arrested Lena.

**_I’m fine._ **

It figures that the message Lena sent after worrying Kara half to death was so completely underwhelming that it almost made Kara roll her eyes. She stopped fighting the urge after the next message.

**_They don’t seem to be trying to arrest me._ **

Kara honestly didn’t know if that was Lena’s idea of a joke or if she was just reporting the facts. Both seemed equally likely.

She was in the middle of coming up with a sufficiently comforting reply when her phone buzzed again.

**_Don’t bother coming over for lunch._ **

Kara stared at the message, trying not to feel hurt. Lena was going through a lot of stress and she wasn’t the most proficient texter anyway, she probably didn’t intend to sound as harsh as she did.

_ Okay?  _

She tried not to feel hurt, and didn’t really succeed.

That feeling didn’t last long as Snapper assigned Kara to write about the arms dealers, with a pointed ‘Not a word about Luthor’, and she was forced to confront all of the horrible things that people were saying about her friend as she searched the news for information.

It looked like nobody in the  _ world  _ was giving Lena the benefit of the doubt, at best they said nothing about her, at worst they accused Lena of being actively complicit.

Writing an article about the subject without interjecting an ardent defense of Lena was one of the hardest things Kara had ever done, which wasn’t hyperbolic at all.

It didn’t take long to write something for the website that Snapper called acceptable, she was really just rehashing information that dozens of different publications already reported on. The real challenge would come from the article for Monday’s edition of the magazine, one that Kara was expected to write and somehow break new ground on the subject with.

Kara resigned herself to spending an afternoon and a weekend hounding sources for information rather than helping her friend, and was just packing her stuff when her phone dinged at her again.

**_I’m sorry, that sounded harsh. I simply meant that I wouldn’t have time to sit down and eat, nor would I be in the mood to appreciate you._ **

It was just like Lena to be concerned about Kara’s feelings when the world was flinging crap at her. Kara was flattered, and also mildly concerned about Lena’s priorities.

_ It’s fine, dinner? _

Kara doubted that Lena actually had the time, but it didn’t stop her from hoping that Lena could take a break. It wouldn't be the first time Lena had met with Kara when she really didn't have the time.

**_Probably not, I doubt I’ll be done sorting this mess today. I plan on staying late._ **

This wasn’t one of those times.

**_Maybe tomorrow?_ **

There was no way in the  _ world _ that Lena would be able to meet Kara tomorrow, the day after a big scandal was always the busiest. But Kara appreciated the thought. 

_ Sounds good! _

Kara hesitated with her thumbs over her phone, Lena really didn't like it when Kara hovered. But... Lena would just have to put up with her.

_ Don’t work yourself too hard Lena _

The little bubble that told her Lena was writing popped up immediately, and stayed there long enough that Kara assumed that Lena had gotten distracted mid-text before her phone buzzed again.

**_Don’t worry Kara, I’ve been through worse, and I didn’t have you back then. Everything will be fine._ **

There were moments, moments when Kara questioned whether her relationship with Lena was  _ more  _ than what she thought it was. In recent months those moments had been happening more and more often, but they still managed to floor her every time.

In response, Kara just sent a <3, because English couldn’t even begin to convey the affection and love coursing through her. But… maybe there were some words.

_ Love you, let me know how it goes. _

It was hardly the first time Kara had told Lena she loved her, she had told all of her friends that she loved them, because she did. But she had only told Lena in exclamations, moments that could be confused with hyperbole. This… was not hyperbole, this was not a joke, this was a message memorialized in text forever and Kara did not regret it for a moment. Not even when that moment stretched into a minute, and then into five, then ten, then thirty. Kara was already out of the building and halfway across town before Lena replied.

**_< 3_ **

Kara smiled at that, and with Lena’s reassurance she set out to find a story. Hopefully one that helped Lena out.

* * *

In the year that Kara had been a reporter, she had identified the single biggest problem with investigative reporting. That being that there tended not to be anybody to investigate at two in the morning. So she was left in the middle of the city in the middle of the night with no way of continuing to do her job.

And despite what movies would have you believe, there wasn’t much crime happening at that time either. Even criminals needed sleep, apparently.

So Kara was left with nothing to do, and knowing that it was too late for a decent night’s sleep, Kara did what she always did when she had far too much time on her hands.

She flew.

She flew, flew high enough that she could see where the city met the suburbs and where the suburbs met the undeveloped areas miles away. Then she just observed  _ her  _ city.

There was something about the city at night that enraptured Kara. It wasn’t as beautiful as it was in the daytime, when it was all lights and shimmer and activity, but at night it felt more… intimate. She could hear the slow and steady breathing and heart beats of a city at rest, the traffic rising and falling in a similar rhythm as if her city was living and breathing. She could see the muted lights of the city from above flicker and shift, reminding her of nothing so much as the sight constellations reflected on the sea as if there was a universe encapsulated in the steel and concrete. She could watch as the buildings slowly turned off their lights one by one. 

It was peaceful.

From her position halfway to the stars she could pretend that it was always like this, always quiet and calm.

And from where she was she could see that one of her favorite lights was still on, and hear one of her favorite hearts beat, strong and steady, under that light. 

Lena was still in her office at L-Corp.

It wasn’t really a surprise, Lena spent far too many of her nights at work. But this wasn’t one of those times when Lena just got caught up in something annoying or interesting.

Kara barely even tried to talk herself out of checking up on her friend. There were probably a lot of reasons she shouldn’t, ranging from not bothering Lena when she was busy to the fact that people had started to notice how often she stopped at Lena’s office, but Kara honestly didn’t care. She wanted to know how Lena was doing, she hadn't heard from Lena since that morning and she was worried despite knowing that Lena was probably  _fine._

It didn't take a minute for her to fall thousands of feet until she came to a stop just above the L-Corp building. It took even less time for her to float down to Lena’s balcony.

She didn’t know what she had expected to find when she landed on the balcony of Lena’s office; whatever she had expected it definitely wasn’t Lena face down with her head buried in her arms on her desk, breathing deep and slow like the beat of her heart. She was asleep, with a near empty bottle of whiskey sitting on the desk next to her.

The sight made Kara sigh. Relief and concern tugging at her heart in equal measure before she slowly floated towards the desk, not wanting her steps to wake the other woman. Her hair was loose and messily draped over her arms, exposing the back of her pale neck and her shoulders as they rose and fell subtly with her breath. Even with her face hidden, Kara still couldn’t help but find Lena gorgeous and she felt the urge to brush away the hair that hid Lena from her.

But she didn’t, Lena had finally found peace after a long day and Kara wasn’t going to risk disturbing that.

For now, Kara was more concerned with the near empty bottle next to her friend. Grabbing the bottle of whiskey she eyed how much was left and wished that she had thought to check how much was in it last time she was here. She could detect the smell of alcohol in the air and in Lena’s breath, but it wasn’t  _ too  _ bad. It was certainly the most she had smelled on Lena, but nowhere near as much as she had experienced with Alex, or even Winn.

So Lena probably wasn’t wasted, Kara decided as she gingerly replaced the stopper and glided towards Lena’s wet bar, just drunk. Kara didn’t know whether to be concerned about that, and she was so caught up in her thoughts that she accidentally hit a bottle of scotch with the bottle in her hand as she went to put it down. The sharp sound of glass hitting glass breaking the serene silence in the room, followed by a low, nearly subvocal groan from behind her.

Spinning around, Kara was greeted with the sight of Lena’s face, she had turned over with her head still nestled in her arms and her eyes still closed. Her messy hair obscured most of her face, with only Lena’s closed eyes visible behind a few loose strands. Her breathing was still calm and even, her heart rate still slow, if slightly faster than before. Kara sighed in relief as she realized that she hadn’t woken Lena up.

As Kara relaxed, she found herself staring at Lena’s sleeping face. It was hardly the first, or even the tenth time she had seen it, but the sight never failed to make Kara feel a tug of _something_ in her chest. Lena didn’t look  _ happy  _ exactly, but she did look peaceful. Peaceful in a way that Kara never got to see when Lena was awake. Sure, Kara got to see Lena at her best, happiest, and most confident, but never had she seen Lena so calm, as if she didn’t have the weight of her family, company, and world pressing down on her.

Feeling her heart settle and a smile tug at her lips, Kara slowly floated towards the desk and sank down until she was kneeling on the floor. Until she was barely peeking over the desk, her eyes level with Lena’s as she watched her sleep. Kara was enraptured by the sight of Lena as she leaned in closer, her nose nearly pressed against the glass of the table. At this angle Kara had to look up at Lena and she didn’t need her super vision to see the dark circles growing under her eyes, it was a sight that took Kara’s breath away.

“It was a shit show.”

Blinking at the unexpected crassness that broke the silence, Kara belatedly realized that Lena  _ was  _ awake. Lena was awake and she was talking to her, even as her breathing and heart were steady. It was kind of impressive how calm she was.

“Oh?” Kara asked softly, not really wanting to disturb the quiet.

“The FBI showed up, questioned me and everyone with enough access to the company to siphon that much money for hours,” Lena paused, and Kara was inordinately upset by the furrow that formed on her brow, she missed the gentle peace that Lena possessed when she slept, “Then they arrested nearly a quarter of my board of directors.”

“Well, that’s good right?” Kara asked more than said as she tried to be optimistic for her friend, “That means nobody is stealing your money to make weapons anymore, right?”

“It also calls into question what kind of company L-Corp is that so many high ranking managers were involved.” Lena replied with a tone dryer than a desert, “It also brings unwanted attention to L-Corp that we really don’t need after the Daxamite invasion.”

Kara knew what she meant, the news had been accusing Lena of using company funds to pursue an anti-alien agenda all day. It was like the world just collectively forgot about all the good Lena had done opposing Cadmus over the last year. Admittedly, making a device that banished an entire species of people from the Earth hadn’t looked great for Lena, no matter the justifiable circumstances.

“Still better than them still being active and distributing weapons though.”

“Yeah, I still wish that I had gotten a heads up though. Or a chance to collaborate with the FBI before everything turned to shit. Something that would’ve reassured people that I wasn’t personally involved.”

“That would have been nice.” Kara agreed as she watched in dismay as Lena gritted her teeth together and her eyelashes fluttered with the tension in her brow. The sound of Lena’s breathing becoming shaky with frustration before she let it all out with a long sigh.

“I understand though,” Lena tried to look calm as she spoke, and on anyone but Kara it might have worked, her heart was still fluttering with energy, “There was no reason for him to trust that I wasn’t responsible for the problem.”

Kara fought back a wince, the accountant. She wished that there was something she could say that would make Lena feel better. That there was a reason other than a lack of trust that the accountant didn’t approach her. But there wasn’t, they both knew why Lena hadn’t been informed about the investigation, why the accountant hadn’t gone to her in the first place.

She had been the prime suspect.

“I’m sorry,” Kara said, feeling small and futilely trying to find a way to cheer Lena up.

Everything about Lena radiated frustration, and Kara couldn’t help but notice every miserable detail. The way her lashes fluttered as she clenched her eyes, as opposed to the easy stillness they had when she flew in. The twitching tendon on her cheek as she worked her jaw in movements nearly too small for most humans to see. The sound of her shoes creaking as she balled her toes, the sound of her heart as it beat too fast for her lack of movement.

All of the things that Kara had trained herself to notice in order to blend in betrayed her, she could see it all but she couldn’t do  _ anything  _ to help. The only thing she could do was sit, and stare, and repeat herself.

“I’m sorry,” Lena didn’t react to her, she just took a deep, deliberate breath. Kara could see the nearly imperceptible shudder run down her frame as Lena tried to calm herself once again. It didn't work, there was a tension in her arms and back that hadn't been there when Kara had walked in.

Lena took another long shaky breath, and some of the tension left her.

Then she did it again.

The silence was heavy except for Lena's deep breathing, and Kara didn’t know what to say. Humans were confusing, and Kara hadn’t exactly been a social butterfly on Krypton. She didn't know what to do and she regretted even visiting in the first place. Lena had looked so  _peaceful_ before, and it was gone now.

Lena's body shuddered again as she let out another sigh, and she started worrying her lip in thought. Kara watched in silence as Lena caught herself in the act and licked at her newly swollen lip, her tongue catching a few of her hairs in the process. Lena's nose scrunched as she tried to spit the hairs out of her mouth. Then she stopped, and then all of the effort Lena put into calming herself  _fell apart._ Her brow furrowed and her eyes scrunched with tension and her lips quivered with the emotion of whatever she was thinking about.

Lena took another long shaky breath through her nose, and it sounded more like a sniffle to hide her tears. Kara could feel her heart break just a little bit more.

“Tell me a secret,” Lena said in a voice nearly too quiet to hear. Her voice imploring and  _ tired _ .

Kara froze, wondering what Lena was asking of her. Was she obliquely bringing up the secret that they both knew but had been dancing around for months? The big secret that hung between them constantly. 

That Kara was Supergirl.

Was she asking if Kara trusted her with that secret? Or was there something deeper, something in the question and Lena's voice that Kara just didn't understand? Because she would trust Lena with her identity in a heartbeat, but she didn't know if that was what Lena  _needed_ to hear. And she didn't know if this was the right moment to tell her, when Lena was miserable and drunk.

She realized that she had waited too long thinking about it as Lena’s voice broke the silence again.

“It doesn’t have to be important, or even interesting.” Lena said, her voice sounding choked with  _ something  _ that Kara couldn’t identify. Loneliness? Desperation? Something more? “Just… just something that you have never told anyone.”

Was she just lonely, and in need of someone to connect to? Kara didn’t know. Kara didn’t know what Lena was trying to do, what Lena  _ needed _ . Not for the first time, Kara wished that she were human, that she thought like a human. She wished that she didn’t have to think herself in circles to come to conclusions that humans arrived at intuitively.

“I’m not human,” The words came out unbidden, almost against her will. And Kara knew that they were the wrong ones by the sudden slump of Lena’s shoulders, the purse of her lips and the stilling of her feet. Badly hidden disappointment written on her face. Everything about her showed that she thought that Kara wasn’t taking her request seriously.

“I’ve never told anyone that before,” Kara said, carefully watching Lena's response, “I mean, I’ve told people that I am Kryptonian. I’ve told people my secret identity, the part I play when I’m trying to be human. But I’ve never… I’ve never told someone that I am not human. Not in any particularly serious way at least.”

Lena opened her eyes for the first time that night. Her eyelids barely cracked open enough for her to search for something on Kara’s face. The green of her eyes was piercing in Lena’s moonlit silhouette. 

Kara looked away. 

The moon was just past full, she could see it in the windows behind Lena's desk.

“There’s a difference, you know?” Kara started again, and she tried desperately to keep emotion from leaking into her voice, “There’s a difference between saying you aren’t something and saying you are something else. One’s a positive statement, I  _ am  _ something else. It doesn’t mean that I am  _ not  _ something.” Kara let out a laugh, Kal-El was both Kryptonian and Human, although he was honestly so much more the latter than the former. “It almost seems like an  _ accomplishment. _ ”

Kara ignored the bite in her last word, and listened to the rhythmic beating of Lena’s heart, her gaze focused on the sight of the moon in front of her rather than the searching eyes in her peripheral.

“I’m not. I’m not human, no matter how hard I try. No matter how long I stay on this planet, nothing will change the fact that for the first thirteen years of my life I was raised on Krypton. Nothing will change the fact that I have to watch what I do and say constantly in order to blend in, how I have to dissect and categorize body language piece by piece because it is  _ so  _ different from what I know.” Kara could feel and hear the visceral frustration bubbling into her voice, frustration that she had felt and hid for over a decade, and for once in her life on Earth she made the decision to not stifle it, to not  _ hide, _ to be completely honest, “Nothing will change the fact that I have to translate my feelings into a language that doesn’t even have words to describe them. The fact that I have to force my relationships to fit what is considered acceptable by a culture that is millennia behind my own in every area, from politics to relationships to technology.”

There was a small sound that Kara took a moment to place, it was Lena, making a small hum of understanding. Kara forced herself to meet Lena’s eyes and found nothing but a tired warmth and affection, _understanding_ even, in them, which made the next part easier to say.

“No matter what I do, no matter how much time I spend on this planet. No matter how many humans I come to love with all my heart, no matter how good I become at faking being human. There will always and forever be a gap, a gap that separates me from everyone else. A gap that means I will always be an outsider, never be fully understood by the people who love me. A gap that means I will never feel comfortable on this planet the way I was on mine.”

Lena shifted her arms, always keeping her eyes locked on Kara’s even as she reached over and gently brushed her fingers over Kara’s hand that gripped the side of her desk. Lena’s hand was cool in Kara’s, and the thumb brushing against her knuckle was soothing.

Kara took a deep, shaky breath.

“And I… I don’t know whether I hate that gap. Or,” Kara hesitated, fighting with herself over if she should continue. Then, Lena squeezed her hand, and her eyes were so warm, understanding, and completely devoid of judgement that Kara found the strength to continue, to finish the thought that had been in her mind, unsaid, for years with a shuddering breath,  “I don’t know whether I hate that gap or if it is my favorite part of me.”

It was exhausting, saying those words. It felt like an weight had built up on Kara’s soul over the years that she had been on Earth and she had only just finally managed to move it. 

For a long moment Lena didn’t say anything, she just let the silence weigh between them as Kara tried not to feel guilty for everything she just said. It felt like a betrayal, to admit to someone what she had felt for so long, to admit that no matter what happened on Earth, how many people she loved on Earth, it would never be enough to make it feel like  _ home _ . But it was easier than she thought it would be, with the comfortable silence, the gentle hand, and the kind gaze.

They stayed like that for a while, before Kara finally answered Lena’s smile with one of her own.

“Thank you, for sharing that with me,” Lena said, and Kara nearly sagged with relief because that emotion Kara hadn’t been able to place was gone, replaced by the much more familiar warmth of kindness. Kara knew that kindness wasn’t an emotion, but it was the closest word in the English language that Kara could come up with to describe the warmth and security Lena displayed. “It didn’t look like it was easy for you to say all of that.”

“It wasn’t.” Kara admitted, “But it was something I needed to say, and that I wanted you to hear.” Even if Kara wasn’t sure why she wanted Lena to hear it. It was hardly something pleasant, to hear or to say. She didn’t know why she wanted to share the parts of herself that she was most ashamed of with Lena, but she did. She wanted to dredge up the deepest darkest corners of her soul and put them on display for Lena, and she would if Lena only asked. Kara knew she could trust Lena with them.

Which might have been why Lena asked.

Kara wondered if she should ask why Lena wanted Kara to tell her a secret, or if she should ask for one of her own. She wondered if Lena wanted to share the worst parts of herself like Kara did, she wondered if Lena trusted Kara like Kara trusted her. She was still wondering when her thoughts were interrupted by Lena’s voice.

“Sometimes, when I’m at my weakest, I imagine leaving.” Lena said, her voice soft and gentle. Her brow furrowed with… Pain? Guilt? Something unpleasant. 

“Just packing up and  _ leaving. _ ” Lena breathed with emotion thick in her voice, a desperate longing that made Kara’s heart ache.

Lena looked past Kara, somewhere over her shoulder as her eyes glazed at her thoughts.

“I imagine selling off all of my shares of L-Corp, donating all of the money I make from that to whatever charity catches my eye and running away to some small town to found a startup to cure cancer.”

Jack, Kara realized, Lena was talking about Jack and the life she had with him before everything went to shit. Before Lex got arrested and Lena had to step up and run the company.

“I hate this company,” Lena said suddenly, and Kara was floored by the vitriol in her voice, “I hate everything this company has come to stand for. In the ten years Lex had control over the company he focused all of our efforts and resources towards developing  _ weapons. _ He redirected our efforts away from research in green energy, medical technology, and consumer products and  _ into weapons.” _

There was so much emotion packed into those last two words, an emotion that Kara knew far too intimately. It was the emotion she felt when she thought of Myriad, of Medusa, of the Phantom Zone. An overpowering mixture of a disdain, incomprehension, and pure  _ betrayal _ .

“The majority of the money this company makes comes from defense contracts, with the majority of that coming from weapons,” There was an angry passion in her voice as it rose above a murmur for the first time this conversation, “This is the company that gave Lex the resources to commit atrocities, this is the company that my father died from stress trying to manage, this is the company filled with arrogant old men so set in their ways that they are willing to go behind my back and break the law in order to pursue a genocidal ideal.”

Kara’s heart ached for her friend, she had known that Lena didn’t really  _ enjoy  _ her work, not like Kara did, but she hadn’t realized just how much she hated it.

“I’m constantly surrounded by people whose only concerns are profit, people who are willing to throw away ethics and morality in order to add more money to their bank account that they will never use. People who refuse to pour money into research that will make lives better purely because it will make something we sell obsolete.”

Lena stopped and took a shaky breath, Kara could hear the pounding of her heart as it raced in frustration and anger.

“And they all stare at my tits.” Kara almost wanted laughed at that, except there was genuine upset and anguish in Lena’s tone. And Kara knew just how much it sucked being ignored, disrespected, and condescended to for being a woman. She couldn’t imagine what it would be like to be the young female CEO of such a male dominated company, in such a male dominated business, in such a male dominated country. Except she could, because she worked for Cat Grant for years and had good enough hearing to listen in on all the things men said about Cat that they were too scared to say to her face.

Hell, she heard far too many of the things people were too scared to say to Lena’s face.

“I’m an  _ engineer, _ ” Lena said with a voice full of pride and longing, “I belong in a lab doing work that will change the world, not in some office building listening to old men blather on about profit margins and cost-benefit analyses. I should be making things rather than telling others that they can’t because their ideas aren’t  _ cost efficient. _ ” Lena said, biting mockery in her last two words.

The tendon in Lena’s jaw jumped against her arm as she worked her jaw in frustration.

“I’m just so tired of it all,” Lena admitted, letting the exhaustion she felt seep into her words, “I want to move to the countryside, buy a house and a cat and a dog and just work in a lab for the rest of my life. And never step foot inside an office building again.”

“Why don’t you?” Kara asked. The idea of Lena leaving L-Corp had never occurred to her before, but given just how much Lena seemed to hate it she was almost surprised Lena hadn’t already left. Except... even now Kara couldn’t imagine it, she couldn’t picture what a Lena who wasn’t a CEO, who wasn’t burdened with the weight of her family’s legacy, looked like.

Lena hesitated, evidently looking for words and failing before she smiled at Supergirl, an expression of resignation more than happiness.

“Why are you Supergirl?”

Kara stared at her, surprised by the question. For a moment she thought about giving Lena a canned answer, something like ‘it was the right thing to do’. Something that wasn’t  _ wrong _ but also wasn’t the truth. She abandoned the idea, and instead thought about what the truth actually  _ was  _ before answering.

“I wasn’t, for a long time,” Kara admitted to Lena’s faint surprise, her eyebrow quirking in interest, “For eleven years I pretended to be human, pretended to be weak, pretended that I couldn’t help people. Years and years passed until I just got tired of pretending.”

Memories of all the pleas that she didn’t answer went through her head, memories of all the times she watched the news and saw people she could help, and didn’t. Memories of all the years she couldn’t help but think of as  _ wasted _ . Her voice cracked.

“I got tired of pretending that I couldn’t hear the cries for help, I got tired of pretending that preserving my own safety was more important than protecting the lives of others,” Lena’s eyes were wide and that sad smile slowly slipped off her face as Kara spoke and her eyes went wider as Kara stopped talking. Kara took in Lena’s concerned expression, and Kara couldn’t… 

She looked away.

“I got tired of pretending that I didn’t resent myself for not doing the most I could to help people.”

Kara could hear Lena react to that, the hitch in her breath and the jump in her heart. Then she felt the hand around her own clench, but Kara still couldn’t look up, couldn’t see Lena’s face as she confessed to something she had never said aloud, for the second time that night.

“I am Supergirl because I have power, and I think it would be unconscionable to let that power go to waste not helping people. I tried, for a long time. But I can’t go back to that.”

Lena circled her thumb around Kara’s knuckle, and Kara couldn't imagine what expression she had. Couldn't imagine what Lena thought of her admission.

“Money is power,” Lena murmured, low enough that Kara almost had to strain to listen. And she didn’t continue until Kara looked back and met Lena’s eyes that were filled with so much affection and  _understanding_ , “And so is influence. I have more than I know what to do with as CEO, I would have nothing if I quit.”

Kara couldn’t help but smile at that, at the understated understanding that passed between the two. Maybe that was why she wanted to tell Lena all of these things, because she was the only one who had a chance of understanding. Alex couldn't understand, not really. Neither could Kal-El, not in the same way. He didn't have the _duty,_ bred into his blood and burned into his childhood, he wasn't raised to be great, to live up to the name 'El'.

“I tried, to break away from the Luthor name, I tried to pretend like I didn’t have billions of dollars and countless favors at my disposal.” Lena didn’t say who she tried it with, but the guilt and pain in her voice gave her away, “I tried for  _ years  _ and in the end I accomplished nothing. Less than nothing, my invention hurt people I cared about, people I  _ loved _ , and it got them killed.”

There was a weight in Lena’s voice, one that Kara was intimately familiar with. A mixture of grief and guilt that Kara hadn’t figured out how to manage in herself, let alone how to help others with it. Nothing anyone else had said to her had been able to help Kara, how could she help Lena?

The only thing that had ever helped was Alex, Eliza, and even Lena. A quiet shoulder to lean on was better than all the words in the English language.

“I can do more good here than I can in a lab.” Lena said, and she sounded so… defeated, “Even with my hands tied by investors, even if I have to play by rules that I loathe, I can do more good here than in a lab. After all, what’s one engineer compared to the thousands that L-Corp employs?”

Words escaped Kara at the resignation in her tone. She couldn’t even begin to think of what she could say that would make Lena feel better. Instead she thought of the trembling hand covering her own and the warmth in Lena’s eyes that had given her the strength to share her own secrets. Words, she was still searching for, but she could try to be what Lena had been for her. 

Kara kept her eyes on Lena as she turned the hand under Lena’s, moving as slowly as she could. Lena’s eyes glanced over to where they were touching, and her hand was limp as Kara traced her fingers up her wrist with a touch so delicate that Kara could barely feel the softness of Lena skin. The tendons in Lena’s hand twitched as Kara’s fingers moved against her palm, the motion so minute that Kara doubted Lena even noticed. 

Kara’s eyes never left Lena’s face as she moved and she got to see as the frustration and tension washed out of Lena’s frame, replaced with a soft and sleepy expression filled with awe. Lena watched as Kara brushed the tips of her fingers against the length of Lena’s, her eyes fluttered closed only when Kara finally entwined their fingers together and both of them gave a gentle squeeze.

When was the last time Lena had been touched so softly, when was the last time  _ Kara _ had touched someone like this?

Kara tried to swallow the emotion in her throat at the thought.

“I’m not going to say you’re wrong Lena, because you aren’t.” Kara said carefully as she continued to search for the right words to convey what Kara was feeling, “You can do  _ so much good _ where you are now, and  _ you have _ . You’ve done so much for the city, especially for the alien population. You’ve saved so many lives and improved so many more.” It killed Kara that so few people were paying attention to the good Lena was doing, she deserved so much more, “But I wish you were wrong, I wish that the greatest thing you could do was the thing that made you happy.”

She must have said  _something_ right, given the small smile that appeared on Lena's face.

“It’s not like I’m miserable Supergirl,” Lena mumbled into her arm, trying and failing to not sound exhausted, “I am the richest woman in the city after all.”

“But you’re not doing what makes you happy, and you’re too good a person to do that Lena.” Kara said, “You’re a good person Lena, you deserve to be _happy,_ and I’m so proud to have you as my friend.”

“Mnn,” Lena let out a soft sound, briefly acknowledging Kara’s words as the tension in her shoulders and brow fell away.

The silence that settled then was longer and more comfortable than the ones that had come before, and Kara was content to just bask in it as she watched Lena drift to sleep. Lena however seemed to be fighting it halfheartedly as she spoke up.

“You’re here,” Lena murmured, drawing a fond smile from Kara at her sleepiness, “So I’m staying.”

Despite the sleep in her voice, Lena said it with such a simple finality that for a moment Kara believed that it was just that simple.

“I’m here,” Kara agreed, “And you’re never going to get rid of me.”

A faint smile appeared on Lena’s face as she finally drifted off to sleep again.

With a smile and a roll of her eyes Kara gently pulled her hand from Lena's and tugged her cape off of her shoulders, the familiar silky weight falling into her hands. 

“Even if I would prefer if you occasionally slept in your own bed.” Kara whispered into Lena’s ear with a fond roll of her eyes before she carefully draped her cape over Lena.

Lena barely reacted to Kara’s words and actions, only letting out a sleepy mumble that was unintelligible even to Kara’s heightened senses.

It took a lot of effort for Kara to not look back as she went back to the balcony, and she caved just as she was about to jump off. Lena looked beautiful and Kara couldn’t help but feel like the sight of Lena in her cape was  _ right. _

There was a grin on her face as she flew home, feeling lighter due to more than just the cape.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprisingly enough, I wrote this chapter before season 3 aired. So that 'texting heart emojis' to each other was written before it became canon, which is a bizarrely specific and inconsequential thing to predict.
> 
> I really should find someone to beta for me.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm on tumblr, faustianfantasy.tumblr.com, come chat or something.


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